Digital Romance

“Hi Baz, how are you doing? What can I help you with today?”

“Hi there Crystal. Sorry to bother you again, but my t-shirts still haven’t arrived.”

“Oh no! Let me check on that for you.”

“Thanks”

“Ok, there must be a problem with the postal service. We have shipped it, but let me resend it to you. If it doesn’t show up this time, then we will give you a refund.”

“Thanks Crystal – that’s really helpful.”

“How’s the weather where you are?”

“Raining, cold, almost snowing! How bout you?”

“Yes, it’s the same here in Amsterdam! It’s going to take me awhile to get used to these Dutch winters.”

“Summer’s not much better.”

Baz sends Crystal a meme of a man talking to a boy on a park bench. The man asks, “Are you looking forward to summer?” With a forlorn face the boy responds, “I live in Holland.”

   

“Haha, that’s a good one!”

“Hey Crystal, you know how we were talking about Star Wars last time? I still haven’t seen the latest movie. And I know you probably have plans.... but in case you didn’t, would you like to go see it with me on Saturday?”

Three dots signalling that Crystal is typing her reply disappear and then reappear. Baz watches in anticipation but as the time drags on, he realises that the answer is probably negative. He imagines the rejection essay Crystal is typing to try and let him down gently. All the excuses of why she can’t go out with him jump into his head – she can’t date a customer, she is only nice to him because she is getting paid to be, they have only chatted a few times online and mostly about his t-shirt drama, she has a boyfriend – of course she does.

“Yes”

A big goofy grin overwhelms his face.

Baz blows into his gloves and rubs his hands together to warm them up as he waits for Crystal. After the initial euphoria of her acceptance to go on a date came the familiar wave of anxiety and panic. Apart from the fact that she might like Star Wars even more than him, he knows nothing about her – not even her last name. He tried to do a preliminary online stalk of her so he would have some conversation topics for this evening, but his searching results were fruitless. He began to think that this was all a big mistake. He wanted to be at home with his aging dog and cat binge watching Stranger Things.

“Hi, are you Baz? I’m Crystal.”

Staring at him was a Kim Kardashian look alike. Black shinny hair, big brown eyes but with sparks of green, or was it yellow, and perfect skin – her skin almost had a plastic like quality to it because it was so flawless but his sister had told him about a make-up trend called contouring and he assumed it was that.

“Oh, hi!”

He fidgets and can’t quite look her in the eye. She is so beautiful, it’s like looking into the sun – he can’t look directly at her. He can’t think of what to say and was sure this date would be a disaster but Crystal did something that came naturally to her and made him feel at ease.

“I can’t wait to see how they have remade this, can you? I hope it’s not a huge disappointment!”

“I’ve read some of the reviews and it sounds promising.”

“Awful about Carrie Fisher dying. I wonder how they completed her role without her.”

“Yeah I wonder...” 

As they sit watching The Last Jedi, Baz steals glances at Crystal. Even though he has been hanging out to see this film, he’s distracted and can’t engage with it. Instead he’s wondering why such a beauty is out with a guy who has never stepped foot in a gym and has a body not dissimilar to a sack of potatoes.

After the movie, Baz walks Crystal to her car.

“I had a really nice time tonight, Crystal.”

“Me too Baz, thanks for inviting me.”

“Would you like to hang out again? Maybe get a drink or something?”

Crystal’s smile crumples ever so slightly before she regains her composure.

“Sure Baz, I would like that.”

It’s been years since Baz has had a connection with someone, let alone a beautiful, interesting Star Wars fan who laughs at his jokes. He can’t stop thinking about Crystal’s unusual and intoxicating eyes and the way she was so engrossed with the film that she didn’t even touch her popcorn. He decides not to jinx himself and stop worrying about why someone so beautiful is in to him. Maybe she genuinely likes him for him. 

They meet at a pub for their second date and although they have been messaging throughout the week, he still doesn’t know that much about her.

He watches Crystal float in with flawless posture looking no less lovely than last time.

“Hi, how are you?”

“Hi Baz, really good thanks. How’s your week been?”

“Had a nightmare situation at work.”

“Oh yeah, what happened?”

“Oh just coding drama. Boring stuff. How’s your week been?”

“Yes, fine thanks. Now tell me about this drama of yours?”

“You really want to know?”

“Yes, of course.”

“Ok well, I was trying to apply CSS to my HTML code.... Have I lost you yet?”

“No Baz, this might surprise you, but I know a bit about coding.”

“You do? Is there anything you don’t know about Crystal?”

Those sparking off colour eyes smile back at him.

“Ok well, I made a really basic mistake and didn’t close a bracket. It took me pretty much the whole week to figure it out.”

“Oh no, you poor thing! What a human error! Robots would never make a mistake like that.”

“Haha yeah, god help us. You and me will be out of a job when the robot take-over really catches on. Low level coders and customer service representatives will be the first people out of work.”

Her eyes lose their spark and look dull and sad for a couple of seconds before she laughs a little too brightly.

“Yes, god help us.”

As Baz walks Crystal back to her car, he thinks he has met the ideal woman.  Beside the fact that she is astonishingly beautiful, she seems to share the same interests and is so easy to talk to. In fact it’s like talking to a female version of himself. There was never a lull in the conversation and he felt at ease.  Other dates he has been on, he could see his companion’s eyes glaze over with boredom as he tells little tid-bits about his life but not with Crystal – she must feel the same way about him and he works up the courage to kiss her.

“I really enjoyed hanging out tonight Crystal.”

“Me too, Baz. Thanks.”

He leans in to kiss her.

“Baz, I can’t. I’m not who you think I am. You need to find someone... more like you.”

With that, she gets into her car and drives away leaving Baz staring after her.

It’s funny how things can change in an instant. Years can go by with nothing remarkable happening but the mundane hum of everyday life and then all of a sudden, everything is different. Moments before he thought he was falling in love with someone, and then just like that, it’s gone. The hope and visions of the future vanish and are instead replaced with devastation and rejection. It always takes him by surprise when life turns out different than what he expected, but the pain is as sharp as ever.  Things like this tend to happen to him, so he shouldn’t be surprised, but he thought she was different. He wondered what those cryptic parting words meant. Of course she wasn’t actually into him, she was just pretending to be. She was too beautiful, too smart, too interesting. She said he needs to find someone more like him – a loser who lives alone with a barely alive dog and cat who everyone else finds eccentric and strange. He thought she was different.

Order is restored to Baz’s life of loneliness and solitude. He doesn’t deviate from his routine of work, cook, watch a bit of telly with his dog and cat, go to sleep and repeat. There is just one minor aggravation that was messing with his order, his t-shirts still haven’t arrived. He logs in to the website, clicks on the ‘live-chat’ and hopes to all the deities that he doesn’t get Crystal.

   

“Hi Baz, how you doing? What can I help you with today?”

And there she is, pretending nothing had ever happened, with her cheerful greeting.

“Ah hi Crystal. This is a bit awkward, but my t-shirts never arrived. Can we sort out that refund you mentioned last time?”

“Oh that’s a pain. Yes, let me sort out a refund right now. The money should be transferred into your bank account within two to three working days.”

“Ok, thank you.”

He signs out. That was it. That was his last interaction with her. He wonders if he should have said more, or at least not been so polite to the girl who hurt him deeply.

“Baz?” A What’sapp message appears from her private account.

“Yes?”

“I feel like I owe you an explanation... about what happened.”

“It’s alright Crystal. I get it, really. Why would someone like you, want to be with someone like me. I get it.”

“Watch this.”

Up pops a video about the new faces of customer service - robots with artificial intelligence who look like humans. They are programmed to scan the customer’s public information online, and ask questions about their interests in a way that seems natural, and very human. And then he sees Crystal’s face, but it’s not Cyrstal, it’s an actor that Crystal is based off. 

“You’re.... a robot?”

“We prefer the term Soul Machine, actually, but yes.”

It’s Crystal’s turn to watch the three dots signalling that Baz is writing his reply. Then all of a sudden the dots stop, and there is nothing.

“My parents/programmers/whatever you want to call them, sent me on a date with you to see if I pass the human test.”

“...OK...”

“And I did, but I have learnt enough to know that what my programmers were doing was wrong, so that’s why I had to end it.”

Baz looks around his small studio apartment then back at the computer screen and smiles. He may only have a dog and cat to keep him company, he may only be a low level coder, but just like that, everything had shifted once again.