Defining Moments

These are those moments that aren’t that significant at the time, but send you down a rabbit hole of something a hell of a lot bigger.

My friend Janine brought me an acting class from one of those daily deal websites, and I was forced to define one of these moments.

We were tested to act out something in your life that you wished you did differently, and it brought me back to primary school in Collingwood, Goldenbay.

I was “friends” with a group of girls that weren’t all that nice. Everyone had their turn of being on the outside, but it seemed to be me and another girl, Amelia, that used to get picked on more than the others. I used to live in fear of getting on the school bus because I didn’t know whether my “friends” would speak to me or not. The days that I was on the outside were the loneliest days of my life, and I used to spend lunch times in the solitary confinement of the bathroom, or searching through the lost property because I couldn’t handle the shame of sitting by myself.  

I remember this moment so clearly, Amelia had had enough. We were eating lunch in the “cool kids” spot, and the ring leader told Amelia that we weren’t speaking to her anymore. Amelia got up and said in a 9 year old way of saying it, “I have had enough of this bullshit! Rose, come on, we don’t deserve this, let’s go off and form our own group.”

And what do you think I did? I stayed with the “cool kids” and I regret it to this very day.

It was the best therapy to act it out differently. What I would have done had I been the person I am today, and what I hope that I would do if this happened to me tomorrow.

I got to tell the ring leader exactly how she made me feel, and scream at her, “you ruined my childhood!” but I also got to say that I am sad for her. I believe she was the way that she was because she had some problems at home, and being in control of this group of girls was one way to get some power back.

I also got to say I am sorry to Amelia. Eventually I realised I am better than that and I left that group, but I am so sorry that I didn’t do it then. She had the guts to stand up, and say ENOUGH, and I really wish I had her back. Amelia, wherever you are these days, I hope you are enjoying and loving life.

It is a defining moment for me, because I believe it shaped the very core of me. I never want to be that person again; I want to stand up for what is right, and root for the underdog. I believe subconsciously this may be why I am drawn to investigative journalism, because the values of changing things for the better, and standing up to powers much larger than you are on par with an experience I had in primary school.